In this post I will be withholding the names of the theater group and it's participants I worked briefly with. What ever negativity is expressed here is strictly my personal experience. This should in no way deter anyone from viewing any of their performances, if you are familiar to the group in question.
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One evening in early January of this year, I received a phone call from an acquaintance. The call regarded the opportunity to try out for the small role of Joe Scales in a local production of “Cheaper by the Dozen”. The moment I was presented with this, I immediately and enthusiastically accepted. Driven by my strong desire to complete a goal on my 180 list, I didn't realize what I had blindly agreed to...
Eyes bigger than my stomach.
My time with the group started on the wrong foot. This was due to bad driving directions, and as a result, I was 30 minutes late. Once I had arrived, I was handed the role of Joe Scales without question. I felt that this was not due to my acting abilities, rather it was simply because I was male and they had no one else who wanted the role. Without ever hearing me speak or even knowing what I looked like, the character was mine. I admit that I was not happy with the role, and like all actors, I wanted a bigger part. However, I had promised myself when constructing my 180 list that I would accept any chance I had to act on stage again.
Around the time rehearsals began, a number of other conflicts began to arise. One such issue was scheduling conflicts with my job. The director expected us to rearrange our schedules around his play. This is difficult for someone like myself who works in retail as I could only offer two days a week of my free time (maybe). Moreover, any changes I made in my shifts at work negatively impacted my team. I was asking them to change their lives around in order to accommodate my dream of completing a goal that they had no stake in. It would be safe to say that I was demanding the same of my roommate as well. I have no vehicle of my own, thus I needed to borrow his truck for every rehearsal. This was yet another person inconvenienced by the pursuit of a goal of mine.
As for the theater group itself, I can't really complain much about them. They are a very talented lot, and I felt dwarfed by their performances which far surpassed my own. Though I did feel very alone when meeting with them as no one made any effort to befriend me. But to be fair, I did keep to myself as I normally do.
Despite all the difficulties I had working with this group, I was determined to complete this goal. While present during rehearsals, I made no protest to any direction given to me and put a great amount of effort into the role.
Unfortunately, my job would put the completion of this goal on hold.
Last week I was written up at work; this is my final notice before termination. Whether this was fair or not, one thing was for certain, my job is on the line. As I don't have anything to fall back on, nor a great amount in savings, my only option is to outperform the expectations of my management. This will be difficult to do when I have to continuously ask for special treatment regarding my hours. Also, because my store isn't doing so well, it would be wise for me not to add my name to the chopping block of “necessary cutbacks”.
This whole experience has left a very bitter taste in my mouth. This acting opportunity made me miserable, and demanded too much of me. Nevertheless, I wanted to see it through to the end very badly. It was my intention to fight on and graciously exit from this group and bid farewell to its participants for good. But now, all I have to show for my efforts is time wasted. By talking to very close friends of mine, I have come to realize that not every goal I complete is going to be easy. In fact, some goals might be disheartening and test me. The one positive thing I can take from this is that I now know what to expect. From here on out, I can search for ideal acting opportunities when the time is right.
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