The Hunger Lames

As I have mentioned in my most recent post, on Sunday 12th, 2012, I completed my first goal. The goal in question was to fast for 24 hours. As an added challenge, I decided not to consume any water from sunrise to sunset. I would love nothing more than to share a story of deep philosophical wisdom gained from completing this goal.  However, the day was rather uneventful. I began to feel the uncomfortable feeling of hunger around late afternoon. From there, a little willpower helped me outlast the day (though I admit, I was kind of a baby about it). Some interesting observances I made regarding my physical well-being were: a difficult time concentrating, irritability, and faint shaking in my limbs.  Also, from time to time I would find myself standing in the kitchen, staring at food, unable to recall how I got there. I found this to be both humorous and interesting.  I believe I can attribute this to my diet, which has conditioned me to eat every 2 to 3 hours.

From completing this goal, I learned a simple yet valuable lesson: food is awesome!
“Duh” right?  But allow me to add some insight to this wisdom.  I chose to neglect food, a luxury that a ridiculously large portion of the world does not have. Even at the worst financially restricting times in my life, I've had something to eat. In fact, at the time this is being written, I can walk to my kitchen and complete that damn nutrition pyramid we studied as a children.  Over 900 million people in the world are not so lucky. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starvation).

I am thankful that I am fortunate enough and able to within my means.  This goal will serve as inspiration to become more involved with local food charities. With a little more research, I hope to find such groups and spread their cause to those eager to help.

Hitting A Wall

On Sunday 12^th, 2012, I completed my first goal and I wanted to be able to share this experience, but I failed. During the time I set aside to write about the goal, I was struck by one of the worst writer's blocks I've ever had. My normal rituals of obtaining creativity proved fruitful for a variety of other projects, non of which contribute to this blog.

I want to become more open about sharing my ideas and feelings on this blog, and in time I will. I also want to utilize one of my best talents; effectively communicating the strong emotions I have in ways that will help people empathize with me.

I want to move people and become successful at it. I want to change my stars.

This is not the life I imagined or dreamed. Not even close. But it will be.

Starving Artist

My close friend Mindi Wise has witnessed many transitions I've made in my life. She has observed hobbies and passions of mine come and go.  During one of those changes, she watched as I turned from a man certain in his spiritual beliefs, to a man who questions and, at times, rejects the ideas of his faith.

One day, Mindi and I were eating dinner together. Before beginning to eat, I prayed over my meal. This is a ritual I have been practicing for years and still continue to complete and believe in to this day. She asked me why I still prayed before meals even though I had stopped actively practicing my faith. I told her that my act of praying before meals had nothing to do with religion. Rather, it is a practice of taking a moment to be thankful that I have the means to eat something on that day.

To this day, I like to reflect before meals that I am fortunate enough to have food, a home, a job I hate, and other little things that we take for granted. There were times, when I was very young, that I was not so lucky.
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As a goal, I will be fasting for 24 hours on Sunday, February 12th. The inspiration for this came from my editor, Arcelia.  A few weeks ago, she spoke with me about this as a way of reflecting on what true hunger feels like.  I am also interested in having this experience because I believe this goal is in line with the aforementioned reasons why I pray before meals.

This will be the first goal I will have accomplished for 180 Degrees of 314.00 and I am excited to share the results!

Overlooked

January 18th, 2011. Around 1630 hours.

I had parked my roommate's truck at the school where the auditions took place. The previous day, the director of the play had asked me to meet with him in person to acquire my copy of the script. From the day I accepted the part, to the time of this meeting, I had contemplated abandoning the role. I had weighed the pros and cons of staying on-board and they looked less than desirable. When I spoke with him, I had discussed a number of issues that would conflict with my participation. To be honest, I think I was trying to talk my way out of the performance. To say that the director silenced or blew off my concerns would be stating it politely. There was also the pressure of burdening the director, and the other members of the play, with having to fill my part on short notice.  Reluctantly, I accepted my responsibility to these strangers and to the part that no one wanted. Disheartened, I began the lengthy trip back home.

Earlier that day.

Towards the end of my work day, I had been called into the office of my friend and manager, Bob Wietrzykowski (don't bother trying to pronounce it). We had discussed my annual review and he had succeed at making my rebellious comments sound productive on paper. Afterward, we spoke in length about our writing endeavors. He told me about a screenplay he once developed and I laughed hysterically at the genius of his humor. He complimented my ability to pick up on the subtle nature of the comedic scenes in his work. I confided in him that I envied his ability to deliver significant information through subtle hints and minor, yet important, details.

Bob then shared a useful tool that would assist me in my own work. He told me, that the next time I find myself driving on a familiar road, to pull over, exit the vehicle, and stare at the ground. From this exercise, I will learn how to develop my writing style through the use of subtle hints and relevant details.

Later. Driving from meeting the director.

I drove down a long stretch of road just a few miles north of Luke Air Force Base. I was weighed down by thoughts of things I felt angry with. It had occurred to me then that this road would be my way home for the remainder of my time with the play. On a whim, I pulled over next to a large vegetated field. I got out the truck and began to stare at the ground as my friend Bob had suggested. To anyone else this act would seem strange, but I immediately saw what Bob had meant about seeing things differently. My eyes focused, as if for the first time, with distinct clarity. I observed the different shapes and sizes of the rocks on the ground; one of the rocks looked like a crystal, there was a small rubber tube and a cigarette butt. I picked up the trail of a truck and footprints. My mind raced with the sight of a new world that I was seeing for the first time. I could have spent all day taking in every detail around me that I would have otherwise carelessly driven past. I felt moved by this new sight. Breaking my attention away from this new world, I felt the heaviness of worry and hate dissipate. I calmly got back into the vehicle and drove home in a peaceful, and silent bliss.